Pregnancy post misscarriage…..

So, technically this is my 6th pregnancy.

I have two beautiful boys I consider myself lucky to have, a very intelligent 14 year old and a hilarious 6 year old.

After a rocky divorce I met a very special man who has changed my outlook on life. Children of our own was never in our plan but low and behold I fell pregnant late last year. Unfortunately, our 12 week scan showed no heartbeat. We were devastated.

After a few months we decided to try again, I caught on straight away, but at around 6 weeks I began to bleed and a scan showed the same, no heartbeat. This time I was beyond devastated.

After what felt like a lifetime of endless grief, panic attacks and depression i decided enough was enough. A very long discussion with my partner and we decided to give it one last try as the loss was slowly killing me.

I am now 6 weeks pregnant and I have an early midwife appointment tomorrow. I am so scared but excited at the same time. I find myself fighting with the excitement though which is sad, I want to be able to be excited as the past year has been nothing but depression and anxiety whilst trying to understand why with no avail.

There is no common help available, all I am told is there is no testing available until I have a third miscarriage which personally I think is unfair but all I get told is statistically you are at low risk of a third. I AM NOT A STATISTIC. I am an individual who deserves answers as to why I have misscarriage twice on a row after having two healthy straight forward pregnancies.

Fingers crossed 3rd time lucky.